One Year Sober: My thoughts and reflections!
One year ago today, I made a decision to give up alcohol. I wouldn’t say I’m necessarily celebrating the milestone of being one year sober (it is what it is), but it does seem like an appropriate time to share my journey.
As a word of warning, if like me you’ve followed a lot of sober accounts on social media and read books detailing people’s journey to sobriety you might be disappointed if you’re reading this blog expecting it to corroborate some of those accounts! Quitting alcohol wasn’t some life affirming moment for me, I didn’t have a drinking problem, I haven’t found myself and I haven’t suddenly got shit loads more time or money with which to explore new hobbies!
What you will get from this blog though is an honest reflection of how surprisingly easy giving up the booze was for me, the benefits I’ve experienced, and some of the unexpected discoveries that I’ve made along the way!
The Decision to Quit
Since around the age of 16, alcohol has been a regular part of my life and I’d probably put myself in the bracket of your classic binge drinker! I could pretty much take or leave alcohol but naturally social gatherings, holidays, match days and family celebrations were more often than not accompanied by a drink in hand.
Whilst drinking wasn’t necessarily causing any significant problems in my life, for some time I’d been all too aware of some of the negative impacts!
Things like spending all week being “good,” only for a night out at the weekend to be accompanied by a takeaway and then a day of Domino’s and Haribo to get me through the hangover, promising myself I’d start again on Monday!
Like drinking excessively and being the proverbial life and soul of the party in an attempt to convince myself, and others, that I was “happy” on those occasions when life wasn’t going quite to plan!
Or Sundays spent piecing together the night before and working out who I might need to apologise to!
Not to mention having regular drink fuelled arguments with the other half, because we are both stubborn buggers at the best of times but 3 bottles of wine deep then things get really interesting!
It was these things that had made me contemplate stopping drinking for a while, and whilst I’d have periods of abstinence there was always a birthday, or a holiday or a night out that habitually I associated with having a drink and so my dry runs would come to an end!
Until I had a real why in the shape of the New York Marathon!
With only 6 weeks to go until I made my way over the starting line in Staten Island and a very lax approach to my training up until then I needed to throw everything I had at it! So, booze was off the menu, and I knew that that was a reason that no one would question when I said I was driving on a night out or skipping the glass of red with my Sunday lunch! And so, with no peer pressure and a 26.2 mile run looming, hitting the drink on the head was actually a piece of cake!
The lightbulb moment
Up to this point I was only giving up the drink for 6 weeks, no great hardship! It felt easy, I wasn’t missing it, and I was enjoying waking up at the weekends feeling fresh!
At social gatherings people were interested in how my marathon training was going but they looked at me with pity whilst I nursed tonic waters, slimline obvs! It was only when people said I bet you can’t wait to have a beer that the penny dropped!
I could wait! If, when I crossed the finish line in Central Park I genuinely wanted to celebrate with a beer, I absolutely would have done! But I didn’t! I was proud of myself for what I’d achieved and having a beer wouldn’t have elevated that feeling! I’d kicked the habit!
1 year, no beer!
So, another 46 weeks down the line, including Christmas, countless holidays, nights out and a hockey tour all alcohol free, how have I changed and what have I learnt? Like I said, these might offer a slightly different perspective to those you’ve read elsewhere.
How I’ve changed
Most things you read about going alcohol free will include claims of dramatic weight loss, healthier skin and glossy hair! I have lost weight but that’s because I made a conscious choice to lead a healthier lifestyle alongside giving up alcohol, and whilst cutting out booze has meant that it’s been easier to stay in a calorie deficit it’s not been solely attributable for any change I’ve noticed on the scales. As for better skin and glossier hair, I’m sure it can’t have done any harm, but I never really struggled with skin issues before and I’ve not noticed I’m suddenly stopping people in their tracks with my bouncy asymmetrical bob!
I’m more confident since knocking booze on the head. How many times on a night out have you said, ‘I’m not pissed enough to dance yet’? I genuinely used to feel like I had no rhythm until I was a few beers in! Well now, if I want to dance, I’ve just got to get up and bloody dance! In fact, more often than not, now you’ll find me first up on the dance floor while everyone else is waiting at the bar for their confidence to kick in! Or what about those conversations that you couldn’t have with people until you’d had some ‘Dutch courage’, well now if I want to chat to someone, guess what, I put on my big girl pants and go do it!
I’m more selective over how I spend my time and who with! In the past if there were events I didn’t want to go to or people I’d rather not spend time with, I reluctantly would have gone and got obliterated just to get through it! Now I politely decline! Or I go, comfortable in the knowledge that when I’ve had enough, I can get in my car and drive home!
Alcohol was the ‘go to’ for me in a whole range of situations! Celebrating wins - let’s have a beer, had a stressful day – let’s open a bottle of red! Life didn’t suddenly get less stressful because I stopped drinking, but I have learnt to explore other ways of dealing with stress instead of just masking it with booze, including therapy! Like-wise my wins aren’t any less sweet because I don’t celebrate them with a beer!
The reason I hadn’t stuck to my previous efforts at giving up alcohol was that there was always something on the horizon that l felt I couldn’t possibly have enjoyed properly without drinking! I can honestly say that having experienced a range of events now completely sober including a family wedding, sports tours and various birthday celebrations I would not have enjoyed any of them any more had I have been drinking! In fact, being totally present during the events, and not waking up after them with a raging hangover and beer fear meant I enjoyed them all so much more.
My relationship has improved too. We aren’t any less stubborn but the ridiculous disagreements that would turn into a full-scale battle after a nice drop of red are easier to nip in the bud and I’ve learnt to pick my battles and when to walk away! Not only that but my improved self-esteem and self-confidence has helped to diminish insecurities that were affecting our relationship! Love yourself first might sound like a cringeworthy Instagram quote, but it’s kinda true!
Other things I’ve noticed
Having a glass in your hand is like a security blanket. I became supremely aware that I didn’t know what to do with my hands if I didn’t have a drink in one! Arms by your side you risk looking like you’re about to break into the finale of Riverdance, arms folded you might look bored or standoffish! I realised that drinking is more about socialising and being with people whose company I enjoy, my glass doesn’t need alcohol in it to achieve that!
Long gone are the days of having to rely on a Kaliber, there is a massive range of no and low alcohol alternatives on the market, and in the main they are actually pretty good. I swear, I’ve even felt a bit drunk after a couple of 0% G&Ts, which goes to show that the warm and fuzzy feeling you get from socialising or chilling out at the end of the day isn’t solely down to what you’re drinking.
When I was drinking, that first beer after a hockey match on a Saturday, or the first glass of red on a crisp Autumn night tasted like nectar, but I’d often find that even though the second one didn’t hit the spot in quite the same way it didn’t stop me drinking it, or the third or the fourth! That first alcohol free drink does exactly the same job, but you don’t feel compelled to spend the night knocking back Peroni Zero’s.
Drunk people can be very annoying! Once you’ve heard a story for the third time it gets tiresome, but they can also be very amusing! That choice is mine!
The assumption that you will save loads of money is complete bollocks! In fact, unless you drink tap water everywhere you go, you might actually spend more! Alcohol free alternatives are barely any cheaper than the real deal and sometimes more! Bars and restaurants take the piss where mocktails are concerned and I’m still bitter from the time I was charged £3.50 for a pint of lime and soda in a local pub!
It’s not just alcohol making you feel shit! I can have a night out now, completely alcohol free and still wake up feeling hungover! That crappy, sluggish feeling after a night out isn’t just alcohol, it’s a combination of dehydration, lack of sleep, maybe a belly full of rich food! Don’t get me wrong alcohol plays a massive part but removing it from the equation has made me realise the impacts of all those other factors on my body!
Other people’s reaction to me not drinking has been one of the most interesting things! Initially people would say things like ‘you’re not allowed alcohol are you!’ Of course I’m allowed, I’m not a child! It’s not a restriction, it’s a choice! I’m convinced that looking at it that way is probably why I found it so easy to kick the habit in the first place! But latterly people have expressed real support and admiration, many saying how they couldn’t do it! I don’t think that is true, I think pretty much anyone can if they really want to, but that is where the difference lies…wanting to!
Sobriety led to a cascade of positive lifestyle changes for me and whilst I didn’t stop drinking with the intention of it being forever, I do have some very specific health and fitness goals that regular drinking sessions do not align with. I would never say never where having another drink is concerned but if I ever break my streak, it will be a mindful choice and not just because it’s a Friday, or Christmas or I’m on holiday.
There is nothing wrong with having a beer and drinking responsibly. I’m not here to tell you that you should cut it out of your life completely, but I hope that my ramblings are helpful if you are exploring stopping or reducing the amount you drink!
Cheers to that!!
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